Seriously though! In my twenties, I didn't even think about it. Feeling sexy just happened; it was natural. Then somewhere in my thirties it just started slowly slipping away like the heat from my coffee as I get busy with my day.

It can happen for so many reasons. It can come from changes in our body and hormones, or just being too exhausted from all the things life throws at us. It can be gradual, or a major life event can change it in the blink of an eye. Sometimes roles we take on in our personal or professional lives don't jive with the idea of being sexy. Or a mix of all of the above. For me, I first became cognizant that I just didn’t have that feeling anymore when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I had nothing but the best and most professional doctors, but the constant exams started to make me feel like I had some sort of freak show attraction between my legs; definitively not sexy. I felt like that part of me was broken. But if I’m being honest, I hadn't felt sexy for a long time before that, despite having a wonderful partner who regularly reminds me how beautiful and desirable he finds me.

So I started the journey back to sexy. First I thought, what is 'sexy' anyway? What does it mean to be sexy? More than just preferences, is there something consistent underneath? I started thinking about other women who seemed to embody sexiness and two things happened. First, I discovered it was much more about confidence than anything else. More on this in a moment. The second thing was the thought that there was no reason why I couldn't be like them. Really. Think of someone 'sexy' right now. That person has scars, parts of their body they aren't proud of. They face serious challenges in their private lives. They laugh at dumb jokes. If they can still be sexy, so can I.

And so can you.

But where can we find that key component, confidence? There are a number of small things we can do that can help. First, show yourself some love. If you are going to be a sex goddess, you deserve a little pampering, right? Get a mani/pedi, head to the salon, get a massage, something you love. If the budget doesn't allow for those things right now, even a good bubble bath can work miracles. Whatever you are doing, try to be in the moment. Leave your concerns at the door or edge of the tub. Focus on feeling good in your own skin.

Try a trip down memory lane. Put together a playlist of songs that bring that sexy energy back. When you were a crazy teen/twenty-something, what got you dancing? Play some tunes, and let those feelings flow. Shake what you got! Again, it's about being in the moment. And if regret tries to come to your party, show it the door!

Talk it into being. When you look in the mirror or at a picture or whenever those less than supportive thoughts enter your mind, match them toe to toe with a good one. It'll be hard at first but think of it as a game. So I notice my stomach rolls, but you know what? The sweater I picked out brings out my eyes. Those wrinkles around my eyes? I earned them with laughter. I don't look like a model in a swimsuit. I look like me, and damn, that's so much better.

The most important thing? When you find that glimmer of long-lost sexiness, go after it. It's part of you and you deserve all of you.